REAL Couples – REAL Issues – REAL solutions #4
This blog is a part of a series inspired by real conversations between real couples. The words have been inspired by using one of the guided conversations from www.OnlineMarriagePreparation.com.
STEP ONE: How do we define our issue?
We have differing opinions about the wedding details.
STEP TWO: Why is this important to me/us?
I am having a lot more feelings about the actual wedding than I thought I was going to have. We actually have so few conflicts, but this is one that, while still relatively minor, is important to resolve. This is true especially since the wedding is the beginning of our marriage. This, in fact, is one of the very few conflicts we’ve had in our relationship so far.
(Groom’s thoughts) When we really got into the wedding planning, I realized that having an “actual” wedding was more important to me than I thought it would be. But I still want you to enjoy the planning and be in charge of it. I don’t actually like “ceremony” or doing things just because it’s a tradition but I have to day that if it’s important to you, I’m happy to do things for you even though that doesn’t make it easy for me to have my own opinions on the details.
Her Feelings open, surprised, tense, optimistic, tired, foolish, confused, frustrated, determined
His Feelings willing, guilty, optimistic, foolish, confused
STEP THREE: What will a better future look like for us?
When this is resolved I trust that we will have worked through a relatively small problem by being open with one another. I think that I will feel even more able to be open with you and comfortable being myself and speaking up for things that I desire. I think we will love and trust each other more. We both will explain why we want the things we want and be open, especially when we disagree. I (the groom) will be more involved. I (the bride) will be a good sport, even though you (the groom) aren’t particularly interested in the details. We’ll both commit to enjoying the moment/day regardless of the details. On some details, we’ll meet in the middle and continue to be open and talk about our feelings regarding the aspects of the issue.
STEP FOUR: What are our best ideas?
Idea One: We’ll be more focused on the other person’s viewpoint and ideas about the day’s details
Idea Two: We’ll talk about issues/feelings as they arise
STEP FIVE: What will I/we actually do?
We will get deeper into the details together and not freak out about the details. We’ll both enjoy ourselves because it’s our wedding and it will be wonderful no matter what happens. To achieve this we’ll both talk more and be more open.
STEP SIX: How will we know that we’re making progress?
When we both have said “I Do,” had an amazing wedding day followed by an amazing life together after that.