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Rules for Resolving Conflicts – # 7 of 14 – Honesty Is the Best Policy!

Love requires trust, and trust requires honesty.

I notice with many of the couples that I work with that one (or both) of them holds back what they are really thinking or feeling. They don’t want to hurt the other’s feelings or endanger their relationship, and so, they have a hard time being open with their partner about the hurt, disappointment or frustration they are experiencing. But by withholding their thoughts and feelings, they are really holding back their love. It doesn’t need to be this way. When it comes to intimate, loving relationships, honesty is still the best policy. That doesn’t mean that anyone needs to be nasty, mean, unkind or defensive. You can always find ways to communicate what’s going on in tactful, appropriate, even loving ways. Examples?
“Because I love you dearly, I need you to know that I…”
“I really want you to know everything about me, and so I’ve decided to let you know that I was really hurt when you said…”
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, because I love you with all of my heart, but I find myself getting really frustrated when you…”

All of these statements can begin a long, intimate, helpful and important conversation about whatever it is that is keeping the relationship from being all that it can be. So the next time you have something important about you that you partner needs to know, have the courage to say it. And the next time your partner has something to say to you that you know is difficult for them to say, really listen. Avoid being defensive or judgmental. Realize that the purpose of real honesty is to deepen your understanding and love, and over time, you will experience a much more intimate and satisfying love in your relationship. Love is built on a history of trust, and a history of trust requires honesty. 

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