REAL Couples – REAL Issues – REAL solutions.
This blog is a part of a series inspired by real conversations between real couples. The words have been inspired by using one of the guided conversations from www.OnlineMarriagePreparation.com.
STEP ONE: How do we define our issue?
Our sex life needs to improve.
STEP TWO: Why is this important to me/us?
Bride: It’s important because we need to understand each other and not just fight about it. Afterall, it involves our love life. But it’s so annoying when you ask all the time and beg, because I want it to just happen and not have you talk about it 24/7. We can’t do it every single day. We can’t. We have kids. You have work. We both get tired, and we just can’t, no matter how much you beg. We’ll have sex when it happens. We can’t plan it! And you always say that you have to beg and ask because then I won’t give it to you. I’d rather give it to you when you don’t beg which annoys me.
Groom: I think we need to be more intimate. I feel like that I’m the only one who wants to have sex, and that I beg for it most of the times. Our sexual intimacy keeps that bond between us and that fire going. I think that I should not have to be asking for it. It should happen when it happens and not be planned.
Bride’s Feelings:
Uncomfortable, worthless, tired, angry, frustrated, annoyed, stubborn
Groom’s Feelings:
Hopeful, sad, fed-up, ignored, tense, worthless, foolish, powerless, frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed
STEP THREE: What will a better future look like for us?
Bride: I will feel relieved because sex will happen on our own time. No matter how many times we do it, it will be unplanned. I need to give in more, but without the begging. Let me look for you. Let me ask you. I like it better that way. I can’t stand when you talk and fight and beg about this. It makes me not want to have sex at all. I want us to be open with each other and talk like normal people. We can both not fight about sex but to talk about it. I want to be more open to you and go with the flow. It would help, too, if we would complement each other.
Groom: I’d feel better and more confident. I love you and that’s a big factor for me to prove it to you. I think it would help if I would stop asking you for sex and just let it happen. But I would hope that you would give me more attention when it comes to that. I do work all day and then help you with the kids and clean around the house. That’s the least I would hope can happen. We also need to spend more time with just the two of us and leave the kids with your parents and have a date night and time alone
STEP FOUR: What are our best ideas?
Idea One: Go with the flow
Idea Two: Have more alone time for each other.
STEP FIVE: What will I/we actualy do?
Bride: I will be more open to more physical stuff when we both are able to and we both feel like it. We will make time for each other, and now that the kids are older, we can make time for ourselves when we can be alone. I think we can work on our relationship and be parents at the same time.
Groom: I will be more patient. We will make time for each other and now that the kids are older we can plan more alone time. We can work on our relationship and be parents at the same time
STEP SIX: How will we know that we’re making progress?
We will be making progress when we both start to have more easy-going sex.