REAL Couples – REAL Issues – REAL solutions.
This blog is a part of a series inspired by real conversations between real couples. The words have been inspired by using one of the guided conversations from www.OnlineMarriagePreparation.com.
STEP ONE: HOW SHALL WE DEFINE OUR ISSUE?
We need to decide if this is a place we want to make roots and settle down to raise our family or if it is a job opportunity that will keep us her for 2-3 more years. What is our timeline for living in this city?
STEP TWO: WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT TO US?
It determines our career outlook and where we plan to go with both of our current jobs. It also dictates our attitude towards living in this city and what this place represents in our lives. Important life decisions affect our relationship and the timing of when we plan to start a family. It can also dictate our happiness. If one of us wants to live or work somewhere else, it is important to talk about this together so that we are both happy with the decision made. Lately, we both seem happy here and enjoy the transition. I think we should commit to being here at least 3-5 years and then reassess where we are career wise, financially, and with our family. I think having this longer term outlook will push us to meet new people and explore the area around our new city. Some of my feelings include hopeful, open, willing, excited, positive and motivated.
STEP THREE: WHAT WOULD A BETTER FUTURE LOOK LIKE FOR US?
When this is resolved I believe I will feel excited about our new adventure. I think it affords us both good career opportunities that I don’t think we had and gives us a place where we can live close to a city and raise a family in a diverse and culturally interesting environment. I want to make sure we continuously communicate with one another in terms of how we are feeling about our opportunities here and our life experiences here. If on feels like they are just hanging in there for the other, we need to make sure we don’t hide that from one another. Something we could both do is plan out short and long term goals for ourselves in this city. If we are accomplishing, and possibly exceeding these goals, I think that gives us tangible reasons to potentially stay and feel confident in that decision. It might help, too, for us to plan short plane trips from this city and check-in with each other periodically to talk about our thoughts on the city and future possibilities.
STEP FOUR: WHAT ARE OUR BEST IDEAS?
Idea One: Set up short and long term goals
Idea Two: Promise to be open to one another always about feelings regarding our opportunities (consider making it more formalized if it does not seem we are regularly having these discussions.
STEP FIVE: WHAT WE WILL DO?
Over the next two weeks, think of what the most important things are for me to do and accomplish in this city. After our honeymoon, we will write down 3 short-term and 3 long-term goals each for our time in this city.
STEP SIX: HOW WILL WE KNOW THAT WE’RE MAKING PROGRESS?
We’ll know when we have accomplished 1 or 2 of our short term goals.